why i should be vice president

Apparently, anyone can be Vice President now. The bar has been lowered so much that even I could be Vice President. In fact, I absolutely should be Vice President. Here's why:

I lived for nearly half my life in Michigan. You can see Canada from parts of Michigan. Thus, I have the necessary foreign policy experience for this office. Now that I live in California, who borders Mexico, my foreign policy experience has doubled! Plus, when I'm out surfing, I always see those container ships heading towards Oakland from somewhere in Asia. Thus I am involved in trading missions with Asia. From my surfboard. Impressive, no?

One of the most important qualification of being Vice President is being able to not blink. I can not blink with the best of them. I'll beat anyone in a non-blinking staring contest. Bring it on, blinkers!

The 1992 campaign proved that someone who smoked pot can be President. Well, I once smoked pot. I even inhaled. Probably more than once, but who's counting?

Sarah Palin took six years and four colleges to get a journalism degree. I took ten years and two universities to get a computer science degree. Enough said.

Conventional wisdom says that you have to be religious to be elected to office. I am an atheist, but since the current Vice President is the anti-Christ, an atheist is a step up.

Dan Quayle marred his term in office by taking on Murphy Brown, a fictional TV character. I wouldn't make that mistake. I will only take on animated characters. My platform will consist of condemning Papa Smurf for promoting Communism and going after Elmer Fudd on gun issues.

I expect to hear from Obama or McCain any day now...